Where do you feel most calm?

Calm? I do not think I am really ever calm but I am most happy when I am in history, sometimes, or when I am in Berry's office and we don't talk about serious things. Hhhmmmm... you know that split second when you wake up and forget everything that has ever happened? That is when I am most calm.

Have you tried to stop in the past? If so, what are you doing differently this time?

I did but failed, obviously. This time I am being more honest and open to try new things.

What is the most vivid memory that you have of self harm?

I feel as if it should be when i first cut with a knife but its not. I was at school and I left math for a supposed band lesson. During math all I could concentrate on was throwing my desk and killing everyone. Then the thought of "either kill yourself or kill everyone else in this world" came into my mind. I could not get the voices out of my head. I then got up told my teacher I had a band lesson and left. I ran to the restroom and just started crying. All I could think about was killing myself. After I dried my tears I raced to my locker and began to rapidly look through my backpack trying to find my razor that I had placed there earlier that morning. After, what felt like a decade, I found it. I rolled up my sleeve, with the voices still wailing in my head, dug the blade deep into my skin pulling downward. It hurt. My whole arm was covered with blood. It so very badly hurt. All I knew though, was the voices had stopped. Simply, I rolled down my sleeve and left my shirt to clean up the mess which was laid out on my arm. My own body, that I have just teared to pieces, throbbed. I fell on the floor clenching my arm. After a few minutes I picked myself up, walked calmly to the restroom, cleaned my arm and headed to my next class trying to forget everything that had just happened. Alas, the memory is perfectly etched into my brain. Also, besides this being the most perfect memory I have, this was the day I lost all respect for myself. Even though I did already hate myself, the last shred of deference I had was lost.

List five reasons recovery is worth it.

1) no more scars

2) no more embarrassment when people see cuts

3) so i do not have to lie

4) so Berry does not have to worry

5) so I can say "I am Fine" and finally mean it

Write a letter to the future, recovered you.

Dear Tia,

You are a lot stronger then you think you are. Good job! Never do it again.

Sincerely,

Tia

Do you know anyone else who self harms?

I "know" someone who did but I hate his guts. Always have, always will. I found out that he cut himself after I started doing it. Also, people who I meet online but I dont actually know them.

What advice would you give to someone about self harm?

Do not do it. It ruins your life.