What is the most vivid memory that you have of self harm?

I feel as if it should be when i first cut with a knife but its not. I was at school and I left math for a supposed band lesson. During math all I could concentrate on was throwing my desk and killing everyone. Then the thought of "either kill yourself or kill everyone else in this world" came into my mind. I could not get the voices out of my head. I then got up told my teacher I had a band lesson and left. I ran to the restroom and just started crying. All I could think about was killing myself. After I dried my tears I raced to my locker and began to rapidly look through my backpack trying to find my razor that I had placed there earlier that morning. After, what felt like a decade, I found it. I rolled up my sleeve, with the voices still wailing in my head, dug the blade deep into my skin pulling downward. It hurt. My whole arm was covered with blood. It so very badly hurt. All I knew though, was the voices had stopped. Simply, I rolled down my sleeve and left my shirt to clean up the mess which was laid out on my arm. My own body, that I have just teared to pieces, throbbed. I fell on the floor clenching my arm. After a few minutes I picked myself up, walked calmly to the restroom, cleaned my arm and headed to my next class trying to forget everything that had just happened. Alas, the memory is perfectly etched into my brain. Also, besides this being the most perfect memory I have, this was the day I lost all respect for myself. Even though I did already hate myself, the last shred of deference I had was lost.